Hall of Fame Week — Sun Aug 8 14:33:32 PDT 2010

From: Jeff
To: mnf@doobie.com
Date: Sun Aug 8 14:33:32 PDT 2010
Subject: It's Monday...

...and it's time to get the nacho sombrero out of the closet, dust off those terrible towels, and epoxy the tears in the cheese head, 'cause there's football on TV tonight!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you have successfully endured another 26 week hiatus from NFL football. Bob Costas is almost done paying off this year's hairpiece. Tim Tebow's adjusting to life outside of Florida -- he's finding it difficult to walk on water at 5800' elevation. T.O.'s been traded. Cris Collinsworth is a little hazy about what happened Friday night. Still, he's getting the shag in his Vandura shampooed, and wondering if his Emmy is ever going to shine properly again.

Welcome to Hall of Fame weekend -- it's time for football!

Yes, Hall of Fame weekend, where grown men are actually happy to wear canary colored blazers off the golf course, and a high-school field South of Cleveland pretends to be an NFL stadium.

Dear Michael Irvin: two suggestions: 1. don't talk to the press after drinking the punch, and 2. please visit the dry cleaners. kthxbai!

As of right now, there are 2,560 active NFL players drawing a paycheck (80 per team -- and they're all undefeated!). In a little under a month, this number will be cut to 1,696, as each team sheds 27 players before the 53-man roster deadline. Some of these players will join practice squads (they won't play games, or be allowed to join the players' union, but they'll get paid to practice with the team). Most of them will go back to their day jobs, laying carpet, selling insurance, checking IDs at doors... their football dreams unfulfilled. But, for at least a few weeks in August, all 2,560 of these guys are professional football players.

It's a shame about the quality of the play -- rusty 12th string players don't exactly put on thrilling games, especially when combined with out-of-practice referees, commentators, and guys in the broadcast trucks. It may be football, but it's rarely good football. Somebody better get Chris Berman his deux-deux-deuxes.

Finally, a hat-tip to this year's crop of Hall inductees, who join 253 other former players, owners and coaches, enshrined in bronze bust form in Canton, Ohio:

- Floyd Little (RB, 1967-75, Denver).

- Dick LeBeau (DB, 1959-72, Detroit. Coach since 1973. Yeah, 50+ years in the NFL)

- Russ Grimm (G, 1981-1991, Washington. He coaches, too, but that's not what put him in.)

- Jerry Rice (WR, 1985-2004, SF, Oakland, Seattle)

- Rickey Jackson (LB, 1981-1995, New Orleans, SF)

- John Randle (DT, 1990-2003, Minnesota, Seattle)

- Emmitt Smith (RB, 1990-2004 Dallas, Arizona)

and that brings us to tonight's game...

The Game

Tonight, the Cincinnati Bengals and the Dallas Cowboys (all 160 of them) go to Canton Ohio to play an exhibition game on the FieldTurf surface of Fawcett Stadium.

Fawcett was built in the mid-1930s, using WPA labor. When it opened in 1938, it was the largest high-school stadium in the country, supporting nearly 12,000 sets of buns on its steel bleachers. Today, it seats about 23,000, and serves as the home field for two college teams, two high school teams, and one NFL preseason game of negligible importance.

The Line

Cincinnati is favored by three. The over/under is 33.

Really. People bet on preseason games. The Smart Money won't be keeping score until the season starts... but it'd probably take the under tonight.

The List

OK everybody! It's time to recruit your friends, co-workers, and other like-minded football fans who might like to read the potty-mouthed rantings of someone like me, and/or would be interested in drinking beer and watching football after work on Monday nights during the winter.

They can subscribe to the list here:
http://doobie.com/monday/masher.pl/subscribe.html

The Pool

Watch your mailboxes for the announcement of the $5 Po-Po Pool, an entirely gentlemanly-like contest involving predicting which NFL players are most likely to get arrested this year.

Are. You. Ready?
-Jeff

It's Monday!

Hall of Fame Week — Sun Aug 8 14:33:32 PDT 2010