Week 2 — Mon Sep 21 09:10:13 PDT 2009
From: Jeff
To: mnf@doobie.com
Date: Mon Sep 21 09:10:13 PDT 2009
Subject: It's Monday...
...and at least the Lions held the lead for a little while this week.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, after turning in a record-setting 0-16 season last year, you would think that the Detroit Lions had nowhere to look but up. By going winless last year, the Lions had undisputedly the worst season of any NFL team, ever. The only other team to even approach this feat was the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers who went 0-14 (they played shorter seasons back then). This fact was thrown around a whole lot near the end of the season last year. But, everybody left out the second half of it... you see, the Buccaneers started the next season 0-12, before finishing 2-12. That's a 26 game losing streak, spread across two seasons -- a record that not even the Detroit Lions are likely to catch (though they are currently at 19).
This week, they hosted their home opener against Minnesota. It started off well enough, with the Lions holding a 10-0 lead for most of the first half. Rookie QB Matthew Stafford looked like a professional out there... for the first 25 minutes of play. Then it all came apart. With 4:27 left in the first half, the momentum of the game shifted, when Brett Favre threw the first of two touchdowns, on the way to scoring 27 unanswered points. The Lions tacked on a late field goal to seal a 27-13 final, in an ugly game full of penalties (11) and Lions' turnovers (3). This game was notable for Favre, as it represented the 271st consecutive game in which he'd started, which is an incredible statistic in the hard-hitting modern NFL. The last time that Brett Favre failed to start in a football game due to injury or a coaching decision, was in September of 1992 (When he beat the Steelers 17-3, going 16 of 41 for 208 yards and no interceptions). His numbers this week? 23 of 27 for 155, and no interceptions. Next week, Detroit hosts Washington, and the Vikings host the San Francisco 49ers.
Those would be the undefeated San Francisco 49ers, who jumped off to an early lead in the NFC West by soundly defeating the Seattle Seahawks 23-10. Singletary's defense looked fantastic out there, even while the Seahawks were self-destructing. Starting QB Matt Hasselbeck left the game near the end of the first half, with what was determined to be a bruised rib. For the rest of the evening, reliever Seneca Wallace was in the game. Wallace is a strong runner, but not much of a passer, and apparently there are communication difficulties between him and his center. All day long, snaps were coming in low (or too high, at least two of them went over Wallace's head). Meanwhile, San Francisco was establishing itself as a running team. Running back Frank Gore scored both touchdowns, one on an 81 yard run, the other on a 79 yard run (overall, he ran 207 yards yesterday). If the niners can stay healthy, and keep playing football like this, they'll be one of the teams to watch late in the season. Next week, the Seahawks host Chicago and San Francisco goes to Minnesota.
Also undefeated: The New York Jets, who this week welcomed the New England Patriots to the Meadowlands, and rather casually shut down Tom Brady and the rest of the offense, winning the game 16-9. Last week, the Bills showed us all how to do it. Clearly, the Jets spent some time studying those tapes. This is the first time the Jets have beaten the Patriots in New Jersey in 9 years, and a great start to the Mark Sanchez era in NY. Sanchez was a first round draft pick this year, and though he's still got a lot of developing to do, he's looking much more comfortable as a pro than anyone expected. Next week, the Jets host the Titans, and New England hosts Atlanta.
Atlanta has their own young quarterback story. This week the Falcons hosted the Carolina Panthers, and all eyes were on second-year player Matt Ryan. Ryan delivered, going 21 of 27 for 220 yards, 3 TDs, and 1 interception (his first of the year). Two of those touchdown passes were to Tony Gonzalez. Last year, Gonzales was a player with the Chiefs, but he requested that he be traded to a team that had a better quarterback and played better football. Considering the Chiefs went 2-14 last year and his new team is now 2-0, I'd say he made a wise, if ballsy decision. Next week, the Falcons go to New England for a quarterback slingfest, and Carolina goes to Dallas for the Monday night game.
The Giants beat Dallas last night 33-31, by putting in a rare display of offense on the road, in front of more than 100,000 people, in Jerry Jones' concrete monstrosity of a stadium. This was a good, close game throughout, with seven lead changes, and the winning kick booted as time expired, sending Cowboys' fans home muttering about the one that got away. There will be many others. See, Dallas QB Tony Romo threw three interceptions last night. The fact that the game was even close is astonishing.
The Washington Redskins looked absolutely awful at home against St. Louis. Fortunately, the Rams looked even worse, and let the Skins win the game on the back of their kicker alone. The Redskins did not score a single touchdown against a team that has won only two games in the last two seasons. The home crowd booed the burgundy and gold repeatedly, and not one bit of it was uncalled for. Even the boos directed at the coaching staff were well-deserved (Coach Zorn, when you have a two point lead, and have a 4th down inside the 20 yard line, late in the game, you kick a field goal, so you don't turn the ball over on downs on the two). But, at the end of the day, only the 9-7 score matters (in the soon-to-be immortal words of Jimmy Johnson: "Numbers are for baseball"). That brings the Redskins to 1-1, in a three-way tie for the bottom of the NFC East, behind the 2-0 Giants. Next week, Washington goes to Detroit, and St. Louis hosts Green Bay. It's notable that the DC/Detroit game likely won't sell out, and isn't of much national interest. It will probably only be on TV in the Washington area. The NFL really needs to rethink the blackout rules, especially in towns that are terribly hard hit by the current economic climate.
There are nine teams that haven't won yet (including Miami who are a 0-1 and playing tonight). Every division has one winless team except for the NFC South and AFC South, which each has two, and the NFC East, which has none. Here's the list: Dolphins (0-1), Browns, Titans, Jaguars, Chiefs, Lions, Panthers, Buccaneers, Rams.
There are eight teams that started 2-0 (and the Colts who are 1-0 and playing tonight). These are distributed quite evenly. There is one undefeated team in each division except the NFC South (which has two). Here's the list: Jets, Ravens, Broncos(!!), Giants, Vikings, Falcons, Saints, 49ers, Colts (1-0).
Before we get to tonight's game, I'd like to mention another item that's been causing some buzz in NFL watching circles. In a move straight out of a record company's playbook, this week the league has been trying their darndest, to keep this cringeworthy video off of the Internet (mirror here). Naturally, they've been entirely unsuccessful. In the 25 year old video, a much younger Cris Collinsworth talks about the realities of dating in 1984, and how he tends to have the most success with "girls who aren't too bright... high school girls, 14 to 18... when they get a little older, they figure out they can do better". Classy guy, that Collinsworth.
This week, he issued an apology, though we're still waiting to hear whether he's going to apologize for that sweater (and Collinsworth's effort pales when compared to the apology issued by Vanilla Ice earlier this year). But that's not really the news, as much as the news that YouTube is bowing to the NFL, and removing these videos, just because the NFL asks them to.
Pay attention, NFL and Google. This video is copyrighted, and when it's shown without any context or commentary you're within your rights to try to yank it off the Internet (well, maybe. Are you sure that it doesn't belong to ABC?). However, when excerpts are used as example material, without a profit motive, to provide background for criticism or as an example to support the premise of an otherwise original piece (you know, like this one), it triggers the Fair Use doctrine. Look it up. Learn it. Live it. Love it. Or else, face the consequences of the Streisand Effect.
This, of course, means tthat I need a premise to support. How about this one: In the mid 80s, I also wanted to get into the pants of 14 year old punk rock girls (and I'll bet that others in my readership did too). Thanks to the video above, it has come to my attention that at least one member of the Cincinnati Bengals was also trying to make himself available to these same punks. Clearly, it was this unfair competition that kept me unintentionally chaste for what seemed like an enormously long part of that decade. As proof, I offer the video. Because if that cabrón was successfully picking up high school girls in Ohio, while wearing that sweater and sporting that haircut, what chance did any mere mortal have? Do you think those hundred dollar bills had anything to do with it? Discuss.
And with that, let's go to tonight's game.
The Game
Tonight, the 1-0 Indianapolis Colts go to Miami to take on the 0-1 Dolphins on the natural PAT Bermuda grass of Land Shark stadium (Bred and installed by The Motz Group, the grass in Miami is usually considered some of the best in the league). The Colts, who are a notoriously fair-weather team, catch a real break from the schedulers by playing their only game in South Florida this year in a 70 degree Miami evening, rather than a 90+ degree afternoon. The only catch? That looming 30% chance of thundershowers. Fear not, though, the pumps that are used to keep the grass alive can be used to provide drainage. Up to three inches of rain can fall in an hour, and those pumps can keep the field from turning to soup.
Interesting things are happening at the stadium in Miami this year. They've picked up a number of celebrity team owners, including Gloria Estefan, Marc Anthony, and Venus/Serena Williams. Jimmy Buffet bought the naming rights through December (the name will revert to Dolphins stadium in time for the Super Bowl). He'll be playing in the parking lot an hour before kickoff. Expect a well-lubricated bunch of fans wearing hawaiian prints in the stands tonight, singing about fins, and looking for a lost shaker of salt. Despite a season full of pre-game concerts in the parking lot and their undeniable influence on Miami's music scene, you should not expect to see Vanilla Ice, or any members of the 2 Live Crew.
You should, however, prepare yourself to see Peyton Manning shilling for Sony, Sprint, ESPN, MasterCard, Reebok, DirecTV, Oreos, and possibly Gatorade.
The Line
The Colts are favored by three. The over/under is 42.
Last week, the Smart Money went 2-1. It is now 3-1 for the season, with an ROI of 43.18%. Over the same time, the S&P has returned 3.1% and the dollar has lost 0.8% against the Euro.
This week, the Smart Money takes the over. Just as Peyton can't seem to walk away from a product endorsement contract, he always seems to play better on nationally televised games. Miami is a good enough team to give the Colts a good game (especially considering the porosity of the Indy defensive line), so it's likely to be a shootout.
The Bar
"Wait... is that a fern?"
Yancy's Saloon
734 Irving St, near 9th Ave.
Steps from the N. Pretty darn close to the 44, 43, 6, 71, and 16BX
Lots of decent portable food nearby, and you can bring it into the bar.
Kickoff is at 5:30. See you there?