Hall Of Fame Week
From: Jeff
To: mnf@doobie.com
Subject: It's Monday...
...and at 5:00 PM Pacific Daylight Time last night, on the FieldTurf of Fawcett Stadium in Canton Ohio, the ceremonial coin got tossed, and the NFL preseason officially began.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in 189 days, there was something resembling professional football on your TV. It was only the hall of fame game: barely a scrimmage played in a stadium that is also the home turf for three high school teams. But hey, at least it's football. Most of the guys who are playing won't survive the roster cuts later in the month, but for one night, they get to chuck the pigskin in front of a stadium full of hall-of-fame players. And T.O. caught a pass as a Bill.
While the best play was a fake punt in the first quarter (which we'll see again in the regular season), the most notable play was probably the last one of the game (which we won't). Allow me to set the scene. With 8 seconds to go, ahead by 5 points, the Titans faced a 4th and 22. They lined up to punt, but instead of kicking the ball away, the Titans' punter took the pigskin and ran back into his own end zone, waited for the clock to run out, then stepped out of bounds behind the end zone.
Ahem. Cue music and booming voiceover. "With this play, punter A.J. Trapasso took a step into gambling history by turning a meaningless football game into an even more meaningless football game."
That's because stepping out of your own end zone is a safety, even after time runs out. A safety turns a five point game into a three point game...
...with a three point spread.
Right. With the extra two points tacked onto the Bills' score, the outcome of bets on the game changed. Had Trapasso taken a knee on the one yard line, the people who bet on the Titans would win their bets, and Bills bettors would lose. By giving up the safety, the Titans gave everybody a push -- a tie. Though, why anybody would place a bet on a preseason game is beyond me.
So, what's going on around the NFL that's marginally meaningful?
For one, John Madden retired. For the first time in 42 years, he will not collect a paycheck related to the NFL. NBC is putting Cris Collinsworth in his seat on Sunday night, for the moment anyway. Collinsworth is a solid Xs and Os analyst, but he should start using the light-pen, corny as it is. The guy's a smart dude and knows football, it's undeniable, but it's unlikely that he'll ever grow the personality required to be a true entertainer of the caliber of Cosell, Madden, or even Bob Costas. At least he's got another gig to fall back on: Collinsworth has a law degree from the University of Cincinnati. (how's that for your trivial fact of the week?)
Speaking of lawyers... now that the economy in the shitter, all those naming-rights contracts are coming up for renewal. Consequently, we're seeing a lot of freshly renamed stadiums. Here in the Bay Area, the Raiders will go back to playing in the Oakland Alameda County Coliseum. And I'm happy to report, that after 13 years, three name changes, and a voter-sponsored initiative, our San Francisco 49ers will be playing their home games in a building correctly named Candlestick Park.
At least until the York family ships them to Santa Clara.
Over on the East coast, Jimmy Buffett has bought the naming rights for the stadium in Miami. It will be known as "LandShark Stadium" for the rest of 2009, reverting to Dolphin Stadium just in time for Super Bowl 44. LandShark is apparently this year's new Budweiser product, a joint venture with Buffett aimed at the pink polo, straw hat, and aviator shades crowd.
The Cowboys got a new home that seats 80,000 and has a retractable roof (because Texans believe that shielding the field from the sky might anger the gods, who are obviously Cowboys fans). It is the largest domed stadium in the world, and the most expensive stadium in the NFL (paid for partially with a 5% car rental tax). There's a Monday night game there in week 3, and I'm sure that ESPN's cameras will give us the grand tour. The name? Cowboy Stadium.
Did you hear? Michael Vick got out of the joint. The Falcons have already fired him. The Raiders and The Cowboys are probably talking with him. Dallas is probably the most likely to take a chance on the guy. Vick sold tickets, once. The question is, can he still sell tickets? Even as a backup or special-teams player? The Cowboys have 80,000 new seats to pay for, and Jerry Jones might decide that Vick can help pay for them. My gut says that nobody in the NFL is going to hire him this year, but I've certainly been wrong before. Meanwhile, the guys over a the UFL have said that Vick could come play in their league -- they certainly need some help selling tickets.
Wait, you didn't know there was another football league in the US, hoping to kick off their season with weekday games starting in October? Apparently San Francisco has a team (owned by Nancy Pelosi and her husband), but it hasn't been named yet (though I hear that the term "Rockfish" has recently been filed as a registered trademark.) Considering that the first game is less than 90 days away, it's more than a little suspect that the team is unnamed, tickets unsold, and nobody seems to know the league exists.
Amazingly, even before preseason started, we already had a clear leader in the 2009 Douchie awards: hometown favorite, Al Davis. With the seventh pick in this year's draft, the Raiders drafted Darrius Heyward-Bey, an absurdly fast wide receiver from Maryland. This, by itself, is not douche-worthy. What happened next is. Davis and the Raiders signed his five year, $38.25 million dollar contract ($23.5 million guaranteed). That's 8-10 million more than would typically go to a seventh round pick. By doing this, the Raiders have basically broken the unofficial economics of the draft. Now that this ridiculous value has been put on #7, it seems that draft picks 6, 8, 9, 10, 11 and 14 are now holding out (including Michael Crabtree, also a talented receiver that the 49ers drafted tenth). They all want $20+ million in guaranteed salary, and their teams aren't likely to give it to them.
Let me take a moment to explain the holdout. When a team drafts a player, it means they have the exclusive right to negotiate with that player for the season. If they do not come to an agreement, the player can't play for any other team, and may enter the next year's draft -- this is called "holding out". At some point, most of these guys will come to their senses, but it wouldn't surprise me if one or two of them actually do sit out for the season. What do you have to be thinking to be able to walk away from an eight-figure paycheck?
What were they thinking indeed... T.O. has a reality show, but despite the free streaming, I don't have the stomach to watch it. If the TV critics are telling the truth, the highlight of the first episode was when a bodyguard cut a fart in T.O.'s (rented) Bentley. It's hard to believe that a TV show could go downhill from there. If anybody can do it, T.O. can.
Jon Gruden's joining ESPN as a Monday Night Football announcer. Tony Dungee is pursuing the ministry. There's a quarterback controversy in Minnesota. And for the fourth or fifth year straight, a lot of experts think that the Houston Texans will finally make the playoffs this year. None of the Raiders have gotten arrested, most of the Vikings are in Canada, and the Lions are undefeated.
It must be August.
Are. You. Ready?