Week 9 — Mon, 7 Nov 2005

From: Jeff
To: mnf@doobie.com
Subject: It's Monday...


...and we hear that T.O. has already put his $4.4M New Jersey mansion on
the market.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Mr Owens, having already worn out his welcome
in Philly, has been suspended from the team indefinitely. He did not
play against the Redskins last night. He wasn't even in The District.

His crime (this time)? Two weeks ago, TO caught his 100th career
touchdown (which is an impressive milestone, only about 6 others can
claim this). This was duly noted in the press booth, on TV, and on all
radio stations broadcasting the game. It was not announced over the PA
at the stadium. TO's been quoted as saying that had it been any other
player, there would've been fireworks. He then went on to say that if
the Eagles had Brett Farve as quarterback that they'd be undefeated.
(No word yet on whether he'll be fined for a display of bad judgement,
as Farve and his Packers are currently the 31st best team in the 32 team
league)

In making that statement, TO was displaying "conduct detrimental to the
team", which under the players' union's contract may result in an unpaid
suspension for up to four games. If the Eagles decide to bench TO for
the rest of the season (and I think they will), they will be expected to
pay out the rest of this year's contract (minus the four games). In
real dollars, this is an $800,000 suspension.

But seeing the door hit TO in the ass on the way out? Now, that's
priceless.

What else happened this week? Well amazingly enough, this week, Vegas
was right. Every team that was favored at kickoff on Sunday won their
game... and while several of them (including the Redskins beating the
Eagles, and the Raiders losing to the Chiefs) went right down to the
wire and produced exciting endings, most of the games this week felt
almost scripted.

So, I'm going to shift gears a little bit for this week's mailing.
Instead of talking about yesterday's games, I'm going to talk about the
teams and the playoffs and the current state of the 2005/2006 season.

And there's no better place to start than the NFC East. Back in Joe
Gibbs' and Bill Parcells' days, the NFC East was far and away the most
dominant division. This year, it may not be dominant, but it is
certainly the most competitive. On top are the 6-2 Giants, at the
bottom are the 4-4 Eagles, and in the middle are the 5-3 Cowboys and
Redskins. All of these teams have a chance at winning the division
(yes, even the Eagles). This division that might be decided with the
last regular season game on Jan 1st (St Louis at Dallas, 8:15pm).

The NFC South is also heating up. 6-2 Atlanta and 6-2 Carolina are
sharing first place for the moment, with the 5-3 Buccaneers seemingly
close behind. However, Tampa Bay has lost three of their last four
games and have injury problems galore. They're likely to find
themselves out of the running within a few more weeks, unless they
manage to turn it around. (The last team in the division is the
displaced New Orleans Saints -- who were kicked out of their temporary
home in San Antonio last week, because the home builder's expo had to
move into the Alamodome. By showing the Saints and the NFL where the
city's priorities are, San Antonio is no longer likely to get The Saints
next year (right now, it looks a whole lot like they're going to LA)).

Out in the NFC West, Seattle is sitting pretty with its 6-2 record, four
game winning streak, and overall consistent playing this year. 4-4
Saint Louis is technically still in the running, but it seems unlikely
that they'll be able to catch up to the Seahawks. Next week those two
teams will play each other in Seattle. If the Seahawks win next week,
they'll essentially clinch a playoff berth.

And then there's the NFC North. Usually a division with some strong
rivalries, good teams and great fans. This year, 1-7 Green Bay's been
downright embarrassing, the 3-5 Vikings are still trying to get over the
boat trip, 3-5 Detroit is languishing in a position that Motor City
residents are sadly used to, and the 5-3 Chicago Bears are looking like
a playoff team for the first time since they moved out of the NFC
Central in 2002. None of these teams is likely to survive the first round.

So, where does that bring us? Chicago and Seattle are probably in.
There are four more NFC playoff spots that will probably go to four of
these five teams: NY Giants, Dallas, Washington, Atlanta and Carolina.
Tampa Bay and Philadelphia are both technically still in the running,
but will probably be resting at home in January.

Over on the AFC side, the rivalries aren't quite as intense, but the
playoff situation is also starting to take shape.

The AFC West is decidedly the division to watch in the AFC this year.
At the moment, 6-2 Denver's got first place and seems prepared to hold
onto it. But 5-3 Kansas City and 5-4 San Diego are close enough on
their heels to keep things very interesting.

For the first time in ages, the AFC North has been a surprise, because
the Bengals are for real. So real, in fact, that their 7-2 record puts
them at the top of the division (and #2 in the league). Right behind
them is perennial powerhouse Pittsburgh at 6-2. Chances are, they're
both going to get in, but the team that wins the division is going to
have an easier playoff route. Over the next few weeks, the Steelers
have a somewhat easier schedule.

While "surprise" might be an appropriate word for the AFC East, I think
"disappointing" might be better. Sitting on top of this heap are the
4-3 New England Patriots. 4-3 doesn't even put you in wild-card
territory in the NFC -- though I guess when you share a division with
the Bills, Dolphins and the Jets' third-string, you don't have to be a
good team to succeed.

The story of the AFC South has been the 7-0 Indianapolis Colts, and
while the camera seems to be always pointed at Pete's favorite
douchebag, Peyton Manning, the real story here is the often overlooked
Colts defense (especially the secondary), which has held the opposing
team to an average of 11 points per game this season. If they can stay
healthy, and keep playing like this, they'll be nearly unstoppable. 5-3
Jacksonville is in the running for a wild card, but it seems extremely
unlikely that they're going to end the season with a better record than
the Colts.


So the AFC picture looks like this: New England, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh
and Indy are probably in. That leaves two spots left for Jacksonville,
Denver, San Diego and Kansas City to fight for.

The rest of the season is going to be quite the spectacle.

Which brings us to tonight's game.

Tonight, it's the battle of the all-American hero, the quarterback, as
Peyton Manning takes his 7-0 Colts to Foxboro, Mass to take on Tom Brady
and the 4-3 Patriots in Gillette Stadium. We expect to hear these
quarterbacks called many things from the stands -- including the rare
Asshole-Jackoff-Douchebag trifecta which will be uttered by a guy known
only as "Silent Joey" who somehow managed to get front-row seats on the
40 yard line.

The turf in Gillette Stadium is as embarrassing this year as the team
that plays on it. It was built in 2001 (the same year that a game was
canceled at Foxboro due to the artificial turf being so bad it was
deemed unplayable -- "The worst rug on MNF since the days of Cosell").
When it was built, the field at Gillette stadium was a technological
marvel, complete with 20 miles of under-field tubes filled with gently
warming water. The result? Still one of the worst surfaces in the NFL,
outranked by every FieldTurf stadium in the league. Last year it was
essentially a mud-pit, and the NFL required that the Patriots completely
re-sod it before the playoffs. This year it looks like it's going to
suffer the same fate. That grass is less than a year old, what is that
yellow streak down the middle of the field?

The vendor that provided the sod does not advertise that fact. This is
rare, as virtually every grass farmer loves to tell the world that one
of their clients is an NFL stadium.

As for the game? Well, it's going to be billed as the battle of the
quarterbacks, but really, it's going to be the battle of the
secondaries. Whichever team brings the better defense will win this
game. It should be a good one.

The Line:

The Colts are favored by 4. The over/under is 48.5.

The Smart Money is 5-10. Tonight it takes the Colts and the under,
despite the Monday Night and Tom Brady factor. The Colts' defense is
good and underrated -- a great combination, especially against a team
that's playing hurt, and desperate for a win.

The Bar:

Tonight, we're trying a new one.

Clooney's Pub
1401 Valencia (@25th)
Steps from the 26 Bus
One block from the 14, 48, 49.
One diagonal block from the 24th St BART station.


See you there?


http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/5059164

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