Preseason Week 0 — 11 August 2005

From: Jeff
To: mnf@fat.doobie.com
Subject: Tap Tap Tap...

...is this dusty thing still turned on?

It's, uh, Thursday.

Our very own San Francisco 49ers are a 200:1 bet to win the Super Bowl, there are 91 players on the Raiders roster, ESPN's busy epoxying Theisman's hair back together, TO's been suspended for a week, and Washington's got a quarterback controversy.

It must be pre-season.

Yep, As usual, TO is being an asshole, and Andy Reid's sent him home for a week so he can think about what it is that he does to be worth three and a quarter million this year. Apparently, Mr. Sharpie Man himself refused to join the rest of his teammates for an autograph signing session with the fans.

And Ricky Williams is back in Miami. You'll remember that he took last year off to study yoga and practice his doobie rolling skills. He's back, about 20 pounds lighter than he was this time last year, and looking to play. The part of the Miami press that isn't selfishly continuing to call him names or make Jerry Garcia jokes seem to think that he's looking like a faster, better, more complete football player this year. Apparently the year off did him lots of good.

Did I mention quarterback controversy? In my lifetime, there has only been one quarterback that Washington's ever fickle fans supported 100% throughout the time he was playing: Doug Williams, who I'm sure you'll remember, took over for the much maligned Jay Shroeder in 1987, and took the skins to the super bowl, where he threw four touchdowns while routing John Elway's Broncos at what looked like top of Elway's hype-cycle. He hurt his back the following season and never played again.

Well, this year's no different. The Redskins starter is clearly Patrick Ramsey, who by most scouting reports seems to be getting better. Ramsey's an accurate passer with a huge arm, but he's had trouble reading defense, and has shown a complete inability to throw the short pass under pressure. This means that Marc Brunell, a consistent, if not spectacular veteran, will be warming the bench, at least until Ramsey gets booed at home a few more times. And don't forget about Jason Cambell, the first round draftee that lead Auburn to a 16-0 season last year.

Tonight, the first week of the NFL pre-season begins (yes, there was an exhibition game in Japan, and the hall of fame game last week, but those are really just scrimmages). NFL Films is searching for this year's supply of Ektachrome and dusting off their lenses. The groundskeepers are examining their hoses for leaks. The bookies are looking through their phone books. Even the writers are warming up. Are you ready to get ready for some football???

The Game:

Tonight, all 90 San Diego Chargers head to Green Bay Wisconsin to play the 89 "players" currently being fitted for Packers uniforms (including the not-yet-retired Favre) on the likely to be soaked by thunderstorms natural grass of Lambeau Field (a Kentucky Bluegrass hybrid grown by the Tuckahoe Farms in New Jersey).

The Line [!!]:

The Chargers are favored by three. The over/under is 37.5.

The smart money doesn't play with third stringers, but a field full of nervous hands and a slippery football makes the under almost look appealing.

The Bar:

We're just warming up, so there's no bar tonight (though there is a game on Monday next week...)

Instead, it's time for you, dear reader, to enter training camp. You've got two tasks in front of you. First, please send in suggestions for bars that we should visit this year (or ones we should skip). Second, if you think that there's someone that you know who might appreciate receiving these missives, and/or might be interested in joining our ever-popular tour of San Francisco's sports bars, please invite them and send me their email address.

Kickoff is at 5:00. See you next week?

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